Meryl Streep, ladies & gentlemen.
My dad and I were in a hotel and he tried the coffee and smiled and said “ahh, it’s like making love in a canoe.” and I said, “it’s that good?” and he stopped smiling and looked me in the eye and said, “no, it’s fucking close to water" before pouring it down the drain really dramatically and walking away.
Oh my GOD.
Extreme dad jokes.
Oh you’ve redecorated…
I don’t like it
i acknowledge that this house has had a renovation, but given that it’s a stupid-ass renovation, i’ve elected to ignore it.
No but this is what happened to my dad’s friend! Her daughter made an ‘imaginary’ friend with a little boy who couldn’t go up the stairs and the reason was because the house had used to be a bungalow
this is the all time best post
I am all about giant dogs
the fact that like half of them are still trying to be lapdogs ~ bless
And A+ gif usage.
In which Snoop Dogg doesn’t give a fuck about your gender policing, and 50 Cent continues to be way too concerned about the sexuality of other male rappers.
Sometimes in daily life I like to pretend I’m a time traveler from late medieval Europe and I’m just fucking amazed at my luxurious life
Let me tell you, 14th c me is REALLY impressed with modern me’s easy access to pepper and cinnamon
"you have multiple purple garments? you must be a person of some note"
"these chairs are fantastically luxurious"
"I’ve never seen so much salt in one place"
I am going to start playing this game.
nO BUT WHAT IF YOU HAD A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE AND YOU MAILED THEM THIS CARD AND PUT A PLANE TICKET INSIDE HOW FUCKING CUTE WOULD THAT BE
so we watched this extremely sad film in my psychology class and i didn’t want to cry at the end so i was sitting there clenching my fists and thinking to myself “don’t you fucking cry you are a GROWN MAN” and then after like a minute i realized im a sixteen year old girl
I didnt know body wash could be so sexy and condescending
lush is a british brand and you should expect no less
Eleven Days of Eleven - One Scene
↳The one when the Doctor fought an ancient God and lost
the only french i will ever need to know
"Go make yourself come" makes it sound less angry but more like ‘yes master’.
back when i was in community college my teacher told us the story of a girl in his class who wanted to have sex with her boyfriend but they didnt have any lube so they used mayonnaise. fast forward a couple of days and she’s getting random orgasms during class and driving places so she goes to the doctor and they check her out and guess what they found
okay ill tell you it was maggots. maggots were in her vagina giving her orgasms.
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